Shattered and Struggling

Intro

INTRODUCTION
Every family has struggles! Military families have some serious pressures on them these days, which can bring more arguments, hurt feelings and loneliness. Struggling families actually started with the first family ever recorded and has been going on ever since. God understands, not condones, this brokenness, and because he does, there is hope even in the midst of the messiness.

Story

The Twilight series is about the chance meeting and eventual romantic relationship between Isabella Swan (Bella) and the immortal vampire, Edward Cullen, in a small, gloomy town of Forks, Washington. The enthralling series captivates the imagination with Werewolves and Vampires and forbidden love and commitment and discovery and more! And it’s all set in the teenage world of high school drama, with the first movie concluding at the prom, a teen “rite of passage” as Edward calls it.

But how did Bella even get to Forks in the first place? It’s so common these days, that it’s hardly recognizable that Bella comes from a shattered family where the parents have not only divorced, but moved multiple states away from each other with completely different climates and environments. The setting for the series is a teenaged girl who decides to go live with her dad after about 12 years of being with her mom in Phoenix, Arizona, when her mom decides to remarry. There are numerous references to the pull between the two parents and Bella, and, in order to protect her dad from the rogue vampires, she moves out of the house and later tells Edward that she used the same phrase her mom had used to leave him.

Here are a few real-life personal stories about being a kid living in the ‘shatteredness’ of divorce. If that describes you, why not write out your story on our ReZilient Life Facebook page?
Poem
Story
Story

Not every struggling family ends in divorce and all of the turmoil and emotions associated with it.  However about 50% of marriages end that way in the US.  Military families face many more stresses and pressures today than in the past. But every family has periods of struggle. Finding hope and coping mechanisms helps us weather the struggles and build stronger families.

Other than divorce, families might shatter due to drugs and alcohol, which can create havoc in the family dynamics as can emotional/physical abuse, anger, and a general disintegration of relationships caused by pressures and stresses of life, often financial.

Check out this story of two kids whose parents are both in the slammer for dealing.

In all of the brokenness and pain of shattered and struggling families, there is hope. This song by JJ Heller offers a heart-felt response with a deep sense of hope attached. Listen to her song here:

Bible intro

You may or may not take comfort in the fact that the first family on the planet had some serious dysfunction to it! The Scriptures do not hold back when it comes to the brokenness, which is the human condition. Read how the first brothers interacted in Adam and Eve’s family. Most likely, even if you feel like your family is pretty shattered, they probably haven’t gone this far. Damaged families have been around since the beginning, and God understands what you’re up against.

Personal Questions
1. Have you ever thought about the Twilight series as a story set in the midst of a fractured family? Is it so commonplace that you didn’t really notice? Is there any good that can come from being part of a shattered family?
2. How do you respond to the hope suggested in JJ Heller’s song? Do you believe that’s available to you?
3. Were you shocked to discover that Adam and Eve and their two sons, Cain and Abel, experienced the shattering of their family through a murder? After the death of Abel, how did they lose Cain as well?
4. How do you think God understands some of your family brokenness? Do you sense his presence or involvement?
Prayer

For these souls and all families struggling to stay together,
we pray to the Lord. Lord, hear our prayer.
(from Catholic Answers website)

411

God’s Opinion
Malachi 2:16 - 16 “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.”

Challenge

After listening to some of the music and watching some of the videos below, consider this song by Bebo Norman. He talks about beginning to trust Jesus Christ with these shattered and struggling issues that you face. Here’s a video and words to the song below:

Tip of My Heart

Bebo Norman

It's on the tip of my heart, the words to say
But I fall apart and I walk away
There's an angry world pressed against my back 
And at every turn I keep looking back 

And I know you promise me 

Love through eternity 
So why can't I just hold on 


I want to live, I want to love 

But I'm afraid my simple faith will never be enough
I want to laugh, I want to be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me 

But I don't know where to start 

It's on the tip of my heart 



So would you take my hand, because I'm sinking in 
To this life I've made, but don't understand 

The clock moves so slowly, but time goes so fast 

In this whirlwind world that will never last 

This love you're giving me 

It's not just make believe 

Help me just to hold one 
You open the sky, and open my eyes 

And all my fears are scattered away 

So I walk in grace, because I've seen your face 

You are all that matters to me

So I'm gonna live, I'm gonna love
I'm not afraid because your grace will always be enough
I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
You have shown me where to start
It's on the tip of my heart

Words

From this website.
This poem originally was published in Poems on Life - Teen Poems

“I am a 12 year old student. Not too long ago my parents went through a divorce. Sometimes, I feel very lonely and have to try and fight those feelings that lie deep in my mind.”

Loneliness
by Little T

Loneliness is blue like sadness.

It tastes like a sour lime with salt on it.

It smells like rotten food and causes madness.

For fun it likes to do nothing but bad things.

While almost everything makes it angry

Everything makes it sad,

But nothing makes it happy.



Loneliness is smaller than you and me,

But bigger than peoples' minds.

Happiness is its enemy,

But nothing can be its friend.

Loneliness keeps its happy feelings in a secret place.

Its favorite place is in peoples' minds.

But it hates to be anywhere else.

Making people feel bad is its greatest success.

Not cheering people up is its greatest failure.

Loneliness makes me feel as sad as a deserted island

Broken Kids

Another poem that contains lamenting a childhood broken by divorce. It’s actually a ‘srceamo’ song by Lewd Acts, but the video was so ridiculously absurd that it takes away from the powerful lyrics (I know, I just made a judgment call, but trust me on this one!)

Holes in my worn out clothes

I put my childhood over my ears

But it brings no warmth

And I want to forget these years
Holes in my worn out face

My mouth won't miss the blood

And I can't miss what I've never felt

So I won't miss love

No I won't miss love
Holes in my worn out genes

Ripped and torn at the knees

His blood moves through me

Like a spreading disease

I can feel the future

And I don't want to be a part of the past

I hope with pins and needles
That a child of divorce can last

But all I know is this cold lament

And I can hear my brothers and sisters sing:
Broken kids from broken homes

Living broken lives like they've been shown

Broken kids from broken homes

All alone
All alone
Broken kids from broken homes

Living broken lives like they've been shown

Broken kids from broken homes
All alone

On their own

Quizical

Are these questions that you’ve had concerning divorce or a struggling family?

Stories

This is a short interview with a teen that talks about her parents going through divorce. Listen to her story and see if you identify with her. What advice would you give her?

Scripture

Genesis 20:1-7

Genesis 21:9-14

Genesis 22:1-14

Video

In today’s culture, it is fairly easy to find the pain of divorce felt by the kids related in many songs by a variety of groups. Obviously many of the artists are products of those shattered families. Here are some videos that pulse with great emotion!

Blink 182 “Stay together for the kids”

Humorous Look at the Broken Family by The Whitest Kids u Know

 

Nickelback “Too Bad"

Papa Roach “Broken Home” (Dad leaves family)

 


Papa Roach “Broken Home” Lyrics
Broken home

All alone
I can't seem to fight these feelings
I'm caught in the middle of this
My wounds are not healing

I'm stuck in between my parents
I wish I had someone to talk to

Someone to confide in
I just want to know the truth

I just want to know the truth

Broken home
All alone

I know my father loves me

But does my father even care

If I'm sad or I'm angry

You were never ever there

When I needed you

I hope you regret what you did

I think I know the truth

Your father did the same to you
I'm crying day and night now

What is wrong with me
I cannot fight now

I feel like a weak link

Push it back inside

It feels bad to be alone

Crying by yourself, living in a broken home

How could I tell it so y'all could feel it
Depression strikes me hard like my old earth would tell it

To me, her son, she told me I'm the one

Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun

Stories that I tell are nonfiction

And you can't take it back cause it's already done

Broken home

Life Questions
1. Most likely, you or someone you know has gone through a divorce in their family. Bummer! It’s no fun. In fact it takes a toll on everyone, even if it results in a better family situation (like in cases of abuse). Take some time and write out the emotions you have felt because of a divorce, the ways things have changed in your family (loss or benefits), and ways you are coping now. Use that list as a guide to talk with someone about your response AND/OR use it as a prayer guide to discuss each feeling and result of your current situation with God. He certainly understands. You might consider listening again to the JJ Heller song.
2. In your journal or on a piece of paper draw a line down the center of the page. On the left hand side of the page make a list of some of the ways your family is struggling right now (angry words, financially strapped, no communication, stress of a deployment, etc.). On the right side write down ways you can think of to address that situation (this may involve other people as the source of help). Discuss this list with a trusted friend and/or and adult counselor, chaplain, Club Beyond leader so they can assist you in giving hope to what may seem like hopeless situations. Don’t accept the lie that nothing can be done about your family’s struggles. God understands the brokenness and pain and does offer hope and healing.
Reflect

Check out this site and some tips on dealing with divorce.

Thoughts

Write Your story: Go to the ReZilient Life Facebook page and write your story about how you have found ways to deal with a family’s struggles or brokenness. How have you found hope and healing. What part has God played in your family’s recovery?